hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
