I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
