I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
BRING THE BAGELS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
