I didn't shave. On purpose
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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