so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
