I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
