I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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