Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think my fart just growled at me.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
