Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
