over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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