sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
