He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
