Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize