So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Floor bacon is actually really good
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
