Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
