I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
