literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
