theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
