New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
