just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
