my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
