There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
