How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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