Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
