I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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