A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
