I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They took my balls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
