The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
