so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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