I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
