Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
