She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
