You're so nebulous sometimes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
