I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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