so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
