I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
