he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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