Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
