his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
