he wants to bone in the snuggie
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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