im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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