Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
