I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
