Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
