i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize