So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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