Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
