Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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