I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
