I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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