He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
