I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
