Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
