well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
