i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
