Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
