I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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