im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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