apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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