i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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