I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
