Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
