Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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