Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
