You really coming over, don't trick.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize