i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
