Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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