i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I looked at my own cervix.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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