She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
