I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
