Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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