Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
