I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Randomize
