you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
