how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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