Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Still dying that you shit outside
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize