Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
how can u be prego again
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
