What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
