never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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