You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need to stop coming to work sober
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
