Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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