you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
