Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
