O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
