just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
