life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
