LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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