hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
