He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
