she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
