I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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