You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
