It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
