I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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