He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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