Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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