so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Randomize
