forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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