Kiss
Puke
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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