The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
